What the hell is wrong with me?

I used to have people I could lean on. I am a self injurer- a bad one. I have scars absolutely EVERYWHERE. I had a counsler I loved, but I cant see her anymore, hospital related. My dad gave up on me and forbids me to see my mom or the woman who helps me the most. He call me an attention getter and it's gotten so bad that I want to die and I think about suicide everyday of my life. Is this all there is to life? It feels like its never going to get better.